I’m not gonna lie; for the first time in the history of my life, I have not set new year’s resolutions or uttered the words: “This year is going to be great! I can feel it!”
Because I don’t think that this year is going to be great—or even good.
Now before you think this is going to be a downtrodden “woe is me” post (it’s not)—that’s actually not me being pessimistic or depressed. It’s just a realistic impression of how I currently feel and a manageable set of expectations. I don’t see greatness on my 2023 horizon. But I also don’t see horror or trauma. What I do see is a lot of healing and transformation, and that means challenging emotions, raw truths, and mental exhaustion.
But I am ready for it. I need it. I had a really difficult 2022 because I trapped myself in lifelong cycles of poor decision making, blatant sabotage, and shameful self-punishment. And as much as I also grew and experienced amazing things like a European dream come and romantic love, along with them came hard lessons about expectations and delusion.
That shit has got to go, and I’m ready to show it all the exit. Next…
I learned a lot; that much is for sure. I figured out some reckless patterns and while I am still consciously repeating them (insert eyeroll here), I am at least fighting back now. I’m fully aware of my dumbass decisions and how they led me to regaining all of my weight back and a hurting heart. It’s no one’s fault but my own. For not setting boundaries. For not honoring my worth. For not believing my worth. For using sad excuses and justifications instead of being empowered.
And now that I have acknowledged it, time to classify them as mistakes to learn from and move on. No more shame or self-judgment. It’s part of the process of evolving and I’m grateful I at least have an awareness and can work through it.
I humbly admit that I need more support than I can figure out on my own. I’m working with an amazing energy healer who is identifying and blasting multi-generational blocks and falsehoods I’ve been clinging on to like a security blanket. I have a lot of fear, and it is closing me off before I reach my targets. Clearing it out is tiring but worth it.
I also have a rockstar therapist who has known me for years, and who is digging down deep with me. She doesn’t take my bullshit and calls me out on how I lie to myself. She’s brilliant and together, we’re going to create me a vortex that will blow the world’s mind once I am ready.
And that’s how I know this is not a “fabulous” year as much as one of introspection and healing.
It’s the kind of year I need. 2020 threw us all for a loop. 2021 was a double-edged sense of loss and magic for me. 2022 kept taking away that magic to make me look long and hard at my life. Now, 2023 is going to be the year that’s going to restore me, break down my walls, and introduce my true spirit to the world. It’s ready to come out of hiding and just be Jenny Dee, fully and authentically.
So yeah—I’m not expecting a high or a low. Just peaks and valleys of them both as I navigate something I should have worked through a long time ago. Okay, scratch that. No shoulds. I am exactly where I need to be, and now is the perfectly divine time that I was meant to face this once and for all. And at the end of it, I fully expect 2024 to be a fucking magical year.
As for 2023? I’m not going to set the expectation for a fabulous year. Mediocre with minimal trauma will do.