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  • Jenny

An Open Letter to the Men in My Book

Dear Bumbling Boys,

I meant no disrespect by featuring you in my recent book about bumbled online dating experiences. Quite the contrary; should you believe to perceive it this way, you can actually take it as an honor. You made enough of an impact on me to warrant a nod (or more) in a mini memoir. You inspired a potential character for a fictional novel in the future. That’s a pretty cool thing… for some of you, at least.

I know there is a real possibility that one or more of you unwittingly see my social media posts somehow and are perhaps concerned with how you could have been portrayed. No need to worry about your reputation, champ. While I was honest about how I experienced these encounters, I tried to be as fair and diplomatic as possible when sharing each individual story.

In fact, as one book reviewer cheekily pointed out, “no bumbling boys were harmed in the writing of this book.”

That’s because identities were concealed under sassy nicknames associated with your behaviors or actions—and the likelihood of you even showing my picture to someone months/years ago, them coming across my book now and making that connection, and then wondering if a certain character could be YOU I’m talking about, is actually less than one percent.

That being said, if you have dated me, I would say only you would be able to identify which character you were based on our time together. Unless, of course, you were one of the gaslighters or narcissists featured, in which case, you’d refuse to recognize yourself anywhere and then call me out for not putting you in my book. You were the most fun to write about, by the way.

Listen, Dear Bumbling Boy is not a book about man-bashing, contrary to what you may think. I don’t rip the masculine species apart in an attempt at feminine superiority as if I was any better than some of my dates. Most of what I wrote is funny, sarcastic, and meant to lighten up all the different kinds of rejection, attempts at belittling, and utter stupidity I encountered.

There are also meaningful connections that were highlighted as examples of where it didn’t work out personally, but he was still an incredible human and I appreciated what I learned from him and took to heart the sweet things he said and did.

However, it does call out the consistent behaviors and mind-blowing words and actions that quite a few too many men pattern that make it challenging to genuinely date in this modern world.

So, don’t be mistaken. If you were an idiot and said stupid or ridiculous things, you were outed (anonymously). I have your incredulous one-liners peppered throughout my book, just because there were so many unbelievable words that came out of your mouths. Awful pick-up lines, gagworthy sexual innuendos, abusive comments, and hypocritical mansplaining attempts definitely made their way into some juicy storytelling—not gonna lie.

But rest assured: for every misstep “you” may have taken in my eyes, I matched with an acknowledgement of my own. I didn’t get off Scott-free in my own book. I owned when I recognized when I was wrong or out of line. This book was just as much about me learning about myself as it was poking fun at the men accompanying me at different stages on my journey.

Honestly, if I didn’t laugh at everything I went through, I don’t know if I’d have the heart or hope to still believe in love today. Consider my writing this an epidural preparing me to keep going until I birth a successful relationship. Thanks for the constant injections (and literally, one of you inspired a long-overdue tetanus shot, so literally—thanks for the injection).

My Dear Bumbling Boys, I hope I have made you feel at ease. If not, feel free to write an open response to me about how I showed up or didn’t show up as expected (but be kind; I was).

I am okay hearing even the tough stuff you might have to say back. Because unfortunately, the difference between many of the men and the characters they became and me is that I will take your constructive criticism to heart because I want to be a better human and a better partner in general. For myself, for you, for the world. Can you say the same about yourself?

At the end of the day, it is true that hurt people hurt people. So, if any human sees themselves in any slightly unsavory character portrayal in my book, or can relate to the dodgy types of love interests you keep attracting into your life, then use it as an opportunity to better yourself and higher your standards.

The more we can heal—and help others to heal—from our life experiences, the more love and compassion that can be put out into this world. And that’s what we so desperately need today.

And so, to you sweet, crazy, obnoxious, endearing, and abusive men of all shades and types, I send you my love and gratitude. Thanks for helping me to grow and live a more colorful life. I really do hope you find what you are looking for one day.

Hugs and kisses (and maybe just a few lingering middle fingers for some of you 😉),


Order your copy here (availabe on Kindle Unlimited): Dear Bumbling Boy

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