I Realized ... There Was Nothing to Realize
- Jenny
- Sep 11
- 2 min read
I went to journal and reflect like I always do at the spa on my birthday--to uncover what needs to be let go, what's bothering me in the moment, or what I need to change to live my best life in the coming year. It's my annual realization that inspires me to change, kind of like a second New Year's Eve.
Except this time, there was none. Other than realizing there was nothing to realize.
Hmmm. Curiouser and curiouser. Over the past year, I did some deep soul work. On my self. Regarding relationships. For my health. My changing family dynamics. How I approach work. Triggers and my reactions. Patterns. All that good stuff.
Funny how at 50 I feel on top of the world with nothing but gratitude. In a sense, it's like I'm finally redy to start my life at 50. (The rumors are true!)
I've learned and made peace with dark lessons. I've faced my fears and accepted them. I've opened my heart and soul to beautiful people and situations. I've said goodbye to relstionships with people I deeply loved. I am at peace with parting, knowing that they once brought such a joy to my life that meant the world to me.
I love myself. My heart and its softness and creativity. My mind, as cuckoo and non-stop as it is, is becoming my friend and I can discern the wisdom from the chatter. My soul feels this calling for simple surrender, knowing I am in the right place at the right time. Always.
I ever love my body. The flawed, big, starting to show grays and wrinkles, resilient body that I have now vowed to treat with kindness and grace instead of judgment. She's served my well the last five decades and she deserves a break from my harshness.
How powerful it is to just not give a fuck anymore.
Not about pressure at work. Not about canceled plans. Not about surprise expenses. Not about people who are no longer present or reliable. Not about traffic, no shows, or bullshit.
Maybe still about group chat, though. Not sure I'll ever like those.
I'm ready for the Golden Years. I'm headed for an extraordinary trip, and while I will document it, my intention is to stay more present to what I am experiencing instead of what I can share or write about it later.
I know that whatever I will share will come from a deeper experience. And that continued sense of wonder and self is the greatest gift I could ever ask for on this journey and start of this next chapter of life.
And that is all I needed to realize all along.
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