As I reflect on my last day of 44, I held a commitment ceremony to honor myself and be more loving as I step into a new year.
Although I struggled (and still struggle) like everyone else with the challenges this pandemic has brought upon the world, I would be remiss if I said it wasn't also a deep blessing. It gave me so much time for introspection that I healed, transformed and accomplished more than I could ever have imagined this past year.
I published SEVEN books - 4 of which were not even planned! Who knew children's books could be so fun to create? To finally step into my life purpose and not even care about the "outcome" has been more rewarding than any promotion, raise or pat on the back I could receive from someone else. And I will keep letting my heart guide my path while helping others on theirs.
A supportive class of online soul sisters restored my creativity - which I remembered goes far beyond writing and "work". It exists in family time, in connections with others, in spirituality, in physical activity, in trying something new, in dancing again, in yodeling on stage (haha), in free time hobbies (yes, I created free time as well!) Life is so much more when we add flavor to it!
Speaking of flavor....I won against my food addiction once and for all - releasing restriction, shame and self sabotage, which have been my lifelong demons. And though it will take me a while to reverse the physical weight, I am okay with it because the amount of emotional weight I have shed makes me feel like 100 pounds. And I finally know I am damn beautiful and sexy no matter what my size because it's my heart that matters when the connections are pure. (And chocolate happens to make my essence brighter, I've decided, so it stays! lol!)
I found my fucking SPARKLE again.
I confronted and beat that enemy called toxic relationships, being put to the ultimate tests and coming out on top. Whew, were those lessons a doozy, but they made me stronger and wiser (and inspired a 2021 book release *wink*) I have absolute clarity that I am ready, open and magnetically able to draw in only the healthiest of relationships, be it friends, community or even romance. I will never allow users and abusers to enter my space again, and that is a wonderfully huge relief to feel and know that strength. And I am so nourished by some many family and friends, who I love and appreciate (and miss the hell out of!) that my cup runneth over. Thank you to my nearest and dearest for just being wonderfully YOU. xo
So, this ceremony was the culmination of all I have experienced, learned and risen above this year. It marks a marriage to myself, one that vows to love, honor and cherish who I am through the good and the bad, with as little judgment as possible, and to hold space as the love I need in my life.
Corny? Yeah, I think so at times, too. But if we can't show up for ourselves, how can we show up for others or allow them to show up for us? Me and Jenny Dee are in it for the long haul, so might as well make it count!
As I complete this circle around the sun, I am enormously grateful and curious as to where I will be led next. Will I get to travel to my dream destination? Will this mystery book help change or heal lives? Will I meet a soul mate or more lessons on my journey to love? Will Confessions return? ;)
All I know is that I am open to receive all the blessings that God universe has in store for me. And so it is💖