It’s obviously been a dry spell for this butterfly, and butterfly travelers all over the world. Travel bans, quarantines, restrictions, economic challenges and safety all kept us grounded while the world kept on turning, undiscovered.
But in that forced grounding, a new kind of travel was born: one in which I could venture deep inside.
In the absence of physical movement, I found greater travels within the worlds of my mental, emotional and spiritual forests. A gateway to the rooted trees of life that bear my truth; my soul purpose; my healing. I let the broken acorns fall from the branches that held on to them way too tightly to give way for the birth and resurrection of new blooms. Blooms that yearned to bust forth and bring harvest to old intentions.
As I counted my 45th ring of life, I noted that not all adventures must be outside of our homes. Yes, I’ve missed physical time with my family and friends back east, but I’d like to think that it only strengthened the connections that were built to withstand such distance. Yes, I miss the luxuriousness of a solo vacation to international lands that stir my curious senses to learn more. Yes, I miss the basic road trip to anywhere other than the four walls that had kept me safe this year.
Those adventures will return. Of that I am certain.
Perhaps in my earlier writings of being butterfly I had miscalculated the time in which I had exited the cocoon, for I see now that I am still emerging. Or is it that we are a constant lifecycle of caterpillar and butterfly that repeats itself, only to grow bolder with each materialization of our transformations? Perhaps the back then, I was a blue butterfly, and now maybe an orange one. Maybe we get to become all different colors.
I digress, but it’s fun to think about. And I even would connect them to the chakras, for those of that mindset. At one point, I freed my voice and my truth (throat). This time, I freed my creativity and vulnerability (sacral).
I reflect on what life without movement has meant for me.
Had I been able to travel and go about life as non-chalantly as I had been, would I have been able to reconnect with the parts of myself I had forgotten—the creative channels I laughed off as child’s play? Like crocheting and dancing and playing music on an old casio keyboard. What joy I found in remembering how much I loved activities other than reading and tv binge watching!
Would I have been able to connect deeper to my children during a crucial developmental stage of their teenage years, when “normally,” my guidance and love would have been societally rejected? Instead, family nights of laugher and love replaced the endless rat race of after school activities, which are no longer taken for granted now that they have resumed.
Would I have recognized the behavioral triggers behind self-sabotage that could finally be resolved so that I could be at peace with my physical being and release eons of shame? Would I have been able to clearly see the red flags and avoid another narcissistic relationship in which I would have given my power away in the name of “wanting love?” Would I have listened to my own internal guidance system on how to respond to the challenges and opportunities that unfolded over the course of this decidedly inward year?
A resounding NO.
The blessings of a life stilled have been overwhelming. So, to say that during this pandemic that life has been without movement would be untrue. I’ve been moved to reflection, to understanding, to healing and to courage.
I travelled to a much different unknown, and in doing so, found more riches than any land could ever procure.