When we look for something new in our life, sometimes we are faced with a few different options. And almost always, when a new opportunity presents itself, I find that the comfort of an old faithful also offers a differnt possiblity, leaving me to wonder--do I stay and keep revolving back or do I take a leap of faith into the unknown?
I’ve been standing in the same room for years
Trapped in a padded square of both comfort and crazy
“It’s safe here,” coos once voice
“You’re going mad,” warns another
The many hats of the past hang on the wall
Both hiding and decorating the truth
Each one above a door that has since closed
Perhaps sealed
But still the allure to stay among them persists
“Remember this one?”
The seductive voice purrs and recalls as it lifts up a familiar cap
That one was feeling like part of the family
And this one—the red beret of power and importance
Or a beanie of belonging
Oh, and this warm wool of support and healing during a dark time
Can you remember how it felt to wear these?
Pay no attention to these beaten up old hats that took more than they gave
Or the modern fashion of betrayal
It is here in the colors and styles of old that you feel the comfort and security
“Stay with me,” it quietly begs
I look bedazzled upon the many memories of happier times
Those doors that held broken promises
Revolving me back to the same place every time
I falter
“Not everything that is old can be made new again”
The other voice finally speaks
I’m reminded that this room no longer holds hope
I seek to escape
Feeling the urge to leave the past behind
And yet…
“This new sparkly one is waiting to be added to your collection”
I hear the call to stay and try a new one
Open a new door beyond the memories and into the future
Maybe this time… will be different
Maybe this time… will be the right fit
Do I dare try just one more time? Will this be the door that leads to an alternate outcome?
Or shall I insanely repeat history
Wishing for a past never meant to return
Where does this door lead? I ask
“To unlimited possibilities,” the manipulation promises
My hope is sparked but for a moment
I await the other voice to echo encouragement
“Beware of new doors from the old
For they may still be revolving”
I hear the wisdom
An artificial assurance of moving forward
Only to circle me back to the beginning
To this same room
Leaving me with another hat to hang above another door
The comfort of disappointment
Have all these doors been revolving? I wonder
I fear that I have been led astray by a false sense of security
In and out and around again
Only to stay stuck
Caged in reminders
Tormented by status quo
Doomed to repetition
But how do I leave?
What door do I trust?
“My love, it is not a door you seek
But a window.
Look up and you’ll see it’s been there all along.”
And there it is
The sunlight beckoning through a new day
An open invitation to leave
A welcoming exit to this maddening hat experience
I no longer need to cover my head to the unknown
I gently hand back the new hat with gratitude and a smile
“Thank you for the opportunity,
But I am ready to upgrade to high heels.”
And out I go to a new world
My head bare
My heart peaceful
And my fashionable feet headed toward freedom