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  • Jenny

An Original Poem: Revolving Doors

When we look for something new in our life, sometimes we are faced with a few different options. And almost always, when a new opportunity presents itself, I find that the comfort of an old faithful also offers a differnt possiblity, leaving me to wonder--do I stay and keep revolving back or do I take a leap of faith into the unknown?

I’ve been standing in the same room for years

Trapped in a padded square of both comfort and crazy

“It’s safe here,” coos once voice

“You’re going mad,” warns another

The many hats of the past hang on the wall

Both hiding and decorating the truth

Each one above a door that has since closed

Perhaps sealed

But still the allure to stay among them persists

“Remember this one?”

The seductive voice purrs and recalls as it lifts up a familiar cap

That one was feeling like part of the family

And this one—the red beret of power and importance

Or a beanie of belonging

Oh, and this warm wool of support and healing during a dark time

Can you remember how it felt to wear these?

Pay no attention to these beaten up old hats that took more than they gave

Or the modern fashion of betrayal

It is here in the colors and styles of old that you feel the comfort and security

“Stay with me,” it quietly begs

I look bedazzled upon the many memories of happier times

Those doors that held broken promises

Revolving me back to the same place every time

I falter

“Not everything that is old can be made new again”

The other voice finally speaks

I’m reminded that this room no longer holds hope

I seek to escape

Feeling the urge to leave the past behind

And yet…

“This new sparkly one is waiting to be added to your collection”

I hear the call to stay and try a new one

Open a new door beyond the memories and into the future

Maybe this time… will be different

Maybe this time… will be the right fit

Do I dare try just one more time? Will this be the door that leads to an alternate outcome?

Or shall I insanely repeat history

Wishing for a past never meant to return

Where does this door lead? I ask

“To unlimited possibilities,” the manipulation promises

My hope is sparked but for a moment

I await the other voice to echo encouragement

“Beware of new doors from the old

For they may still be revolving”

I hear the wisdom

An artificial assurance of moving forward

Only to circle me back to the beginning

To this same room

Leaving me with another hat to hang above another door

The comfort of disappointment

Have all these doors been revolving? I wonder

I fear that I have been led astray by a false sense of security

In and out and around again

Only to stay stuck

Caged in reminders

Tormented by status quo

Doomed to repetition

But how do I leave?

What door do I trust?

“My love, it is not a door you seek

But a window.

Look up and you’ll see it’s been there all along.”

And there it is

The sunlight beckoning through a new day

An open invitation to leave

A welcoming exit to this maddening hat experience

I no longer need to cover my head to the unknown

I gently hand back the new hat with gratitude and a smile

“Thank you for the opportunity,

But I am ready to upgrade to high heels.”

And out I go to a new world

My head bare

My heart peaceful

And my fashionable feet headed toward freedom

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