In this modern day of technology, traditional meet-cutes have been replaced by digital interviews in the form of online dating apps. Instead of feeling a spark in person and then getting to know them, we literally zip through countless pictures and profiles hoping to find…whatever it is we are seeking to find.
And like with everything out there these days, the market is saturated with gimmicks and empty promises to help you get exactly what you are looking for.
So, who do you believe? Which app has that magic solution that will bring Cinderella and Prince Charming together or find the perfect virgin for Christian Grey to ruin?
They say if you’ve tried one, you’ve tried them all. I will admit that I have not tried them all, and while some have distinct features, they really do have the same results. Lots of dead ends, spams, and players masquerading as gentlemen—at least in my experience. Though in fairness, some good eggs that just weren’t the right fit were also located. (You can read all about my crazy dating adventures in my latest book, Dear Bumbling Boy).
But guess what? I don’t think these apps are the problem at all.
It’s the people. People are the problem.
Now, that’s a blanket statement, and I don’t mean ALL people are the problem. There are plenty of amazing fish in the sea trying to find their way out of the school of shits they have to keep swimming with. But you literally have to go through countless potentials to find possible matches that resonate with you and what you’re looking for.
Here are just a few of the sites I’ve engaged with, and my (personal) thoughts on each:
Ascendinghearts. It’s a spiritually-based site, and I thought I’d find men who were in alignment with my spiritual side and who were open to my more “out there” beliefs about astrology and the like. What I found instead were spiritual narcissists preying on the idea of love and light and using the guise of enlightenment as a net to catch unsuspecting mates looking for that perfect soulmate. The site is well-intentioned itself, but its users? Next.
eHarmony. I spent hours filling out questionnaires about myself with the hopes of being matched to someone aligned with my goals, values, and intentions. I’m sorry, but I did not find a single person claimed to be a match for me to actually feel like a match for me. I found a lot of old men who were interested in the youth I had to offer and appropriately aged men acting inappropriately.
Tinder. Okay, I was delusional to think this wasn’t just a hookup site. I did find a single genuine man on here, and I enjoyed his company, but it wasn’t the right fit. But boy, did I find a lot of interesting characters and one-liners for my book here! I know if I am looking for something more serious, I shouldn’t be on here, but sometimes I just can’t help engaging just to hear some of the shit men say to try to get into your pants. It amuses me—and believe it or not, even though neither one of us get what we want out of the connection, I’ve learned a lot of random stuff, like music recommendations, travel ideas, etc. So, if you are on a journey just to meet different kinds of people without a commitment, yeah—this is your place.
Bumble. I must say out of all of them, this has been my favorite, and my most successful. I do have a love/hate relationship with the women having to reach out first. I like how random men just can’t inbox me looking for sex and that it is setup to engage in more genuine conversation. But I also hate that pressure of reaching out first all of the time…I already feel self-conscious about my images and profile, and now I have to be clever enough to say something worthy of a man’s response (BTW, it does help me put those shy or clever first messages from men on other sites in perspective because it’s not easy to break the ice). I have met some pretty great men here, so when I am ready to go back, I’ll probably head back here first before trying something new. It’s the least icky out of all that I’ve tried so far.
Yeah, I know there are still others to try, like Hinge I guess, but I also hate technology, and learning new apps annoys me. I don’t know if I love its concept enough to give it a try, but we’ll see. I might try investing in a matchmaker, to be honest, but even then—does that work?
I don’t know, y’all. I’d much rather go back to pre-2000s when we met at work, school, bars, or randomly in an actual store in the real world.
Where are my traditionals at?
If you’d like to learn more about my insights and some of those interesting conversations and experiences I’ve had with men on these different sites, come check out Dear Bumbling Boy. #Swiperight to laugh at all my unprincely frogs on my journey to find my prince.
“This was such a fun, bizzare and utterly hysterical read, I absolutely loved it. We all know that internet dating is a minefield, when I used to do it, I would have some stories that would make you question everything you know about men, and I am not the only one as this amazing book showcases. It is an utterly relatable and believable read and just when I thought I had read the most outlandish of her dates along came the next one to up the bar. From scammers who said they were secret agents to authors of the erotic nature who of course needed as much rumpy pumpy as possible all in the name of research you understand - because why would you use your brain when you manhood can do the thinking. I honestly don’t think I have laughed out loud at a book as much as I did with this book. I loved it.” – Kirsty, 5-Star Goodreads review
“This is book is amazing and funny and brilliant. I as an online dater (pretty much given up on it) can relate to this book so much and it was super great to read this and be like, “Yep, this is so true” or “This happened to me too”. I also really like that the author is critical of herself too. She admits that she’s ghosted too and been critical of the men she was dating or otherwise acted like a human. I also really like that this is not an overly critical book about men as not all men are idiots and I’m keeping up my hope to maybe being successful in online dating one day.” – Any and All Books, 5-Star Amazon Review
“The experiences are compelling, and the author's writing style is raw and rich, providing readers with an immersive and captivating reading experience. One can feel the sarcasm in the author's words, and the way she expresses situations through her words is truly mind-blowing. She has written her takeaways after every date which are meaningful lessons to the readers. While some experiences are emotional than others, each has its own unique charm. Overall, Dear Bumbling Boy is a stunning book that will leave a lasting impression and lessons on readers. If you enjoy light reads with some sarcasm and connection equally, then this book is a must-read.” Mansi Ramwani – 5-Star Amazon Review